I have so many places I want this blog to go, but I feel like I need to be able to explain everything in order for that to happen. It isn’t time for that yet so I feel limited at this point. Let me just start with where Because of Brody originated.

Brody’s birth was traumatic, and some women who have traumatic births are unable to conceive on their own moving forward. Leaving the hospital without your baby is a feeling unlike any other. Emptiness, shattered, gut wrenching, your heart ripped into pieces, loneliness, desperate to give that built up love to your baby with no where to go; I really can’t even put it into words.. Rick and I knew we still wanted a baby to fulfill what our hearts desired when we decided to start trying for Brody. Our world had just been turned upside down so conceiving again was not an option. We decided to look into surrogacy.

Do you know what surrogacy involves?! Approximately $170,000 worth of expenses that’s what! Through an agency everything is worked out for you, but wow that’s a lot of money. We did have a kind and selfless woman, who through casual conversation, volunteered to be a surrogate for us, but even still, the to do list and monetary value to get this done seemed unattainable, especially having no idea where to even begin with this process. I began researching surrogacy scholarships. The only ones I could find strongly took into consideration first time parents. We were now a family of five, with two living and breathing beautiful girls there’s no way we would be selected. This got me thinking.. I was never told I can’t conceive again. In fact, I was told I could. We just couldn’t imagine the thought of that after what we just experienced. There are so many women out there that are told not to have any more children. What about those women and families? What are they supposed to do when their hearts aren’t fulfilled?

I am a health and physical education teacher and the skills I have been teaching my students for years naturally kicked in when I was faced with such devastation. I know what strategies to do and implement in stressful life situations, and I began doing those almost immediately to help myself cope with the unlimited amount of emotions I was dealing with. However, it wasn’t until I started grief counseling that I started to feel any kind of relief, validation, or understanding from others. Again, I began to wonder how people went through such a loss without this kind of support, especially if they don’t have a built-in skill set? What if others didn’t have insurance like I have which makes counseling an affordable service?

As the days, weeks, and months began to pass by during my first year of living without Brody, and we had experienced vacations, holidays, and celebrations without him, it broke my heart each time. I don’t want to do this without him, but I don’t have a choice. I don’t want him to ever be forgotten. I don’t want to keep progressing through each year without including him. I started to reflect on ways that we could help boys Brody’s age.

One of the strategies I started to implement early on after losing Brody is journaling. I had never journaled before in my life. Actually, most of the strategies I teach my students I had never done until now. This loss brought me to such desperation of wanting to feel better, and not so broken that I feel like I tried anything and everything. I even asked my counselor if there was a 12 step program for grief because I was willing to do the work I just wanted to be on the other side of it already. This is too painful. This is too much to process. Journaling and even more so, posting on Facebook is what I found to be a big outlet. I don’t care what people think, but at the same time I don’t want to be annoying and constantly post about how sad I am I don’t have my son in my life, even though that is my right and I have every reason to do so.

All of these realizations, thoughts, and ideas led us to starting Because of Brody. Our goal, which is in our mission, is to work on providing financial assistance for surrogacy, financial assistance for grief counseling, helping boys in need, helping mother’s and families who are grieving or experienced trauma, blog to help others understand it’s ok to be vocal about grief and hope to be able to help others struggling as well, and so much more. This process is an outlet for me, and helps others along the way. However, the best part about it is we get to honor Brody, talk about Brody, and make sure that he isn’t forgotten. All of what we are doing is Because of Brody.